Growing up I watched Wonder Woman, naturally I love superhero’s. When I was pregnant with the little one the only thing that would calm my bigger one down during quiet time was Batman.
The Dark Knight was such an inspiration Bash spent his first three years wearing only a Batman mask, cape and superhero undies. I loved every second of it.
I especially loved when he demoted me from Mom (ultimate super hero) to Wonder Woman. I gratefully traded in my dish towels for my star crown and cuffs.
Of course there can not be super hero’s without the occasional villain.
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Two Halloweens ago I traded in my crown and cuffs for a choker and a bat. I have to admit being the bad guy definitely has it’s perks!
Heath Ledger was my favorite Joker, but when Jared Leto took his turn I was impressed. It could be the chemistry between him and Harley Quinn. Either way the Suicide Squad made an impact.
Joaquin Pheonix hasn’t ever been someone I go see opening night; sure I’ve seen some of his movies but rented not box office. Per my usual I Red Boxed the Joker. His performance left me feeling very disturbed and disgusted; I had to look away during some of the scenes.
I can’t help but identify with the character.
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My dad tells a story about my grandmother that I overlooked as a child. He has a memory of her in the middle of January. She is standing shoeless, in just her nightgown, out by the dumpster standing pop cans right side up. There are snow drifts all around and it’s the middle of the night. My dad couldn’t make sense of it. He thought it was a little crazy but she raised eight little humans who wouldn’t go a little nuts?
It has been years since I’ve heard that story with nothing to associate it with I kind of filed it away, until Thanksgiving.
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My brother and I were never close growing up. Though growing up in the same house under the same parents we have COMPLETELY different take-a-ways from our childhood. I had responsibilities and it never seemed like I was able to do enough. My brother could leave Friday morning on the school bus and not come home until Monday night and our parents never said anything! He did what he wanted, when he wanted and hasn’t ever listed to anyone.
We began to see eye to eye after years of being separated. I traveled to other countries and he moved north. When I came back and found a place I wanted to stay long enough to sign a lease he moved in with me. It wasn’t easy living with him. We lasted less than a year.
Some bonds were formed during our time away from each other and others when we lived together but living together isn’t an option. He moved in with his pregnant girlfriend and I lived alone. Shortly after they tried to make a family she left him.
With good reason.
His girlfriend told me he was doing drugs. I didn’t believe her, he is a very good con. Almost 18 years later it’s undeniable.
This year, on Thanksgiving, he told us he has a wizard that makes all of his dreams come true. He accused me of being part of the CIA sent to break into his mind and gain intelligence that only he has. He is not in a good place and it’s terrifying to be around.
It’s heartbreaking to witness. Back when he was clean he would do anything for anyone. I have seen him give the only shirt he is wearing to someone that needs it more. I’ve seen him give away the few dollars he has or make food for the hungry neighbor kids. It’s devastating to see him fall and I had a hard time watching the Joker because it reminds me of him.
He tells us all the time that the stuff he sees or hears is REAL. His arms will be full of goosebumps as he listens to what the voices are telling him.
He refuses help because he doesn’t think he has a problem, “it’s not the drugs” he swears to us.
Unlike the Joker there hasn’t been a cut in funding from the government, but like the Joker you can not help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves.
It’s possible it isn’t the drugs perhaps he possesses the same illness that made my Grandmother stand shoeless in a snow bank to set cans up right. Regardless I hope he loves himself enough to find the help he needs. We miss him in our lives but I struggle letting my kids AND his watch him fall.
If you know someone that is struggling be the light. Listen to them and offer to help take them to a treatment program. Support them as they pave a new path and when an addict falls extend an arm to help them. After all we’re all just humans trying to figure out this life.
Namaste, Jes xoxo
