Through the help of a virtual friend, today I rekindled an old flame.
Love affairs are interesting. How is it that your married partner can’t quite get those spots that ache to be touched? Why does sneaking away for an hour generate this intense passion that keeps your body on fire for hours (often days) to come?
While I don’t have the answers to these questions I know for DAMN sure that I’ll be sneaking away soon and regularly.
I have to, for my own sanity.
My love affair with yoga started before I knew what yoga was. I think it’s a gift I received from a past life. My parents don’t bend, often I feel they would be more comfortable with breaking than pausing for reflection. No one in my family or even past friends older or younger practiced yet yoga found me.
I started on the meditation limb without really knowing what I was doing.
Then the philosophy entered. Rumi says, “what you seek is seeking you” he was right, the books found me and I devoured them. The words call to me and make SO much sense.
It’s the poses I struggle with.
I don’t have the body of a dancer, and I was removed from gymnastics before I could even get to touch my toes. My brother and I were in different schools and we had to catch different buses to go home. He couldn’t ever remember when we had gymnastics, probably because he got caught up in his bus social life, he often ended up at home while I was in the class, my mom was NOT a soccer mom and didn’t like having to be in two different places in one day so I had to quit.
Do I have a gymnast physique? No, I’ve always been too tall for the sport. PLUS I couldn’t do the balance beam without sticking my tongue out, it’s a concentration technique 🙂 however, I would have loved to become more flexible at a younger age.
Circle time on the carpet with crisscrossed applesauce was such a chore. I’d always sit like a surfer. The boys and girls around me had their perfectly open hips and flexible knees, they could sit for hours crossed legged. I was always so jealous. Ever since I was little if I try to sit cross legged, my right knee is in my face. While it might be an instance where “it is what it is” I think I can reverse it. After all about six weeks into a regular yoga practice I was FINALLY able to touch my toes!
Sitting like a Surfer
The other kids…
I was making great progress when I was practicing all the time but then as it often does happen, shit hit the fan.
I haven’t had a regular practice in one year, nine months and approximately 25 days ago. The week before spring break, the week before EVERYTHING shut down.
Sure, I’ve rolled my mat out a few time since. I’ve even done a class here and there but when I fell off this train I fell HARD. It feels like I may have even fallen under it and gotten slightly ran over.
It would take me until today to realize how much I LOVE and NEED the practice. It is directly tied to everything that makes me ME and me happy. My body and mind need the routine of the salutations, it’s a gift to get lost in the movement that feels like a prayer. The detoxing twists and the ocean breathing cleanse my soul. The alignment and drishti is the focus that I am missing.
When a former Wanderlust teacher offered a free yoga class as her gift to everyone this year I signed up. To be completely honest I often sign up for things and then get too caught up in play dates and homework to do the things I want to do. But since I work the 3am shifts lately I’m up before EVERYONE in our house most times for hours. Today I took that time as an opportunity to work on myself. My mat was rolled out with coffee in a mug and water in a Yeti beside me and blocks, not enough blocks but blocks!
I committed to the practice and though I stumbled through I made it. Somewhere in the middle is when I realized that Yoga is the thing that I haven’t been doing and probably why I’m struggling and feel lost. But, often like a jigsaw puzzle, it takes one piece to make the picture whole. My one piece is yoga.
Even if I have to sneak away in the early morning this love affair has been rekindled and for the sake of my sanity will NOT be extinguished! I hope you too, can rekindle a flame that shouldn’t die out.
Namaste, Jes xoxo
PS the class was by Marybeth LaRue she teamed up with press pause. The class is available to stream. If you’re interested go to Livekick.com