Imagine sitting outside at Target Field on a mid summer night watching a Twins vs Tigers baseball game. One hand holds a loaded hotdog and a red solo cup of local beer in the other as Byron Buxton steps up to the plate.
The Tigers catcher signals to the play but the pitcher rejects it. The catcher resignals, ‘yes’ the pitcher nods, that’s the one. The pitcher throws a heater straight down the middle almost too fast to see but Buxton swings hard anyway.
The crack of the bat connecting with the ball echos off the stadiums walls it’s a sound that can be heard around the world. HOME RUN!!
Now imagine you’re the ball and grief is the bat. Life grabs you and throws you with TREMENDOUS speed toward the grief stick and sends you barreling toward home plate.
And just like that…
One swing from the grief stick and you’re split WIDE OPEN.
Exposed.
Your leather exterior landing in the vicinity of first base while the rest of you is sent to the outfield.
Grief.
Grief is an interesting life event. It’s something you can hear about, read about, even talk about but once it smacks you in the face you can’t run from it. It exposes your insides, whether you’re brave enough to show them or not.
The grief stick has knocked me out cold FOUR times in the past year and a half. All important women in my life. Two of them held on longer than they probably should have and two were taken way too soon.
My girls held on longer than we should have made them. It’s so hard to know when to let them go but they were not living their best life. We laid them to rest in in 2021. My heart still hurts.
The other two women, taken too soon, are both woman who ultimately made me want a relationship with my mother. My mother and I haven’t really ever seen eye to eye, ever. She’s hard on me and I’ve never understood why. However, the two women that have stuck by my mom and ultimately made me see her good qualities are my moms best friend and my grandmother. Because of their understanding, kindness and tolerance I have come to a place where a relationship with my mom is possible.
Now they’re gone.
My mom’s bestie had been battling some intense health issues for just about a year. We knew she’d be taken but I had hoped she would recover and enjoy her retirement lake life.
My grandmother was more of a here today gone tomorrow story. She had some issues with balance which brought her in and out of rehab building her strength when a UTI infection arose and took her out 4 days later.
My mom wasn’t really forthcoming and honest about the entire situation. By luck she was in Michigan helping pack up the remaining items in my grandparent’s house before went on the market. I had asked her to put me on speaker phone so I could talk to my grams but she never did. I called every day and didn’t get a chance to talk to her.
Sometimes I still wonder if it’s just a bad dream. If I call her maybe she’ll pick up. For sure if I go to Michigan she’ll be there over the moon happy to see us.
She can’t possibly be gone.
She’s the ONLY person that understands my frustrations with my mother.
Home runs aren’t extremely rare and neither is grief. Be kind and gentle to those around you it’s possible they have been hit by the grief bat and don’t showcase it.
Much love,
Jes xoxo