I schedule my days/weeks/months so tight that I’m usually always late. Throw some kids into the mix and I get impatient and tap my feet a lot waiting for them to lazily put on a shoe or find a shirt. This impatient behavior was engrained in me from an early age. My mom was always saying, “come on, come on, COME ON”. Funny how traits like that are passed on. You get the good traits, like caring for other people, but you also get the bad impatient behavior. I’ve been laid off for two years and I still haven’t figured out how to just BE, take my time and enjoy living.
A few months ago I read the book Thrive by Arianna Huffington. In it she talks about how we aspire to be the people that work 60+ hours a week and think the people that only work 20 hours a week are lazy. How we have to have, have, have and do, do, do to be happy but have, have, having and do, do, doing doesn’t result in happiness it results in anxiety. I think she has been spying on me and wrote the book after me. You’re right…she probably doesn’t care about little ol me but everything she said resonated with me.
It reminded me of this quote, “do you own your things, or do your things own you?”. I have things. I don’t think they own me, but maybe they do. I’ve been trying to minimize but it’s tough with two kids who like completely different things. Not to mention the fact that I am a crafter/creator and use a bunch of different mediums to create. Do I need any of it? No. Do I use any of it? All of the time. When I win the lottery I will give most of everything away. The things I would keep would fit into one car.
Arianna also talked about putting too many to do’s on your plate. People tend to look down on you if you’re a mom that works full time but doesn’t volunteer on the PTA and drive kids to 100 different sporting events. I have too many things going on. I didn’t realize it until Thrive. I’m the mom that watches other kids, has kids are in sports, makes play dates, works out, works, makes dinner, shovels the driveway, does the shopping, cleans, cooks – all of it. The worst part about it is, I’m terrible at all of it. Spread thinner than butter I can’t complete have the things I’d like too because I can’t focus.
Last year I had 5 New Years resolutions. One of them was to read an entire book series of 13 LARGE books. Most people have one resolution that they don’t even complete and I get mad at myself if I don’t complete mine. Generally I always complete mine. I stay up late, wake early, whatever it takes. I get them done. This year, I was making my large list when I stopped and asked myself why. What am I proving and to whom? I’m certainly not making myself a better person by running on fumes. My family isn’t benefiting by me being stressed. I couldn’t find the answer to WHY I had to DO so many things. This year I have one resolution. To ride across MN on a bike for MS. The ride is in June. If something happens and I’m unable to do it I will live. The world will not end.
Sure, there are lists and lists of other goals and bucket lists for me to complete and I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, but the timeframe and holding myself to a tight schedule isn’t ok. I’m working on just BEing.
As a pact to myself, tomorrow when I want to take the kids somewhere and they insist on kicking all of the snow that has built up by the tires I will let them. I won’t tell them to hurry or come one, because we don’t have anywhere we HAVE to be. We just have to be here, now.
Much love,
Jes xoxo