I fucked up.
After a long day outside, with all the fresh air we could handle, I thought they were sleeping. I was tired and before I fell asleep myself I had to make sure the Easter Bunny made and hid their baskets.
We snuck out of our bedroom, went down the hall and even went into a room off our kitchen to decorate and fill their waiting baskets. We barely started when we heard, “I KNEW IT!” And running footsteps away.
Busted.
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I remember being a kid and trying to catch the illustrious guardians that keep our childhood innocent. The tooth fairy is arguably the easiest to catch and I wasn’t ever successful. No matter the amount of brainstorming, plotting, planning or sibling teamwork we didn’t catch Santa or the Easter Bunny either.
But eventually secrets are revealed. I don’t remember my parents confessions; which makes me think it’s one of the many things I learned via the playground or the hour long bus ride I had.
Then you have kids. Parenthood has an unspoken enchantment initiation, a silent promise of helping the guardians and keeping the innocence alive.
Kids try to capture that magic and as an adult you try to make that magic last as long as humanly possible.
This winter I struggled keeping the magic secret. I decided long ago I would build trust with my men by telling the truth when they asked me about it. Last Christmas was the first time either one of them even questioned it, thank you fourth grade…
When my eldest asked if Santa was real I told the truth. I believe that he was at one point of time and it was so magical and special that people continued on with the tradition. I asked him if he’s ever made a care package for someone that may not have had a Christmas otherwise and he said, “well, yeah”, I told him that he was being Santa for someone. He asked if we could adopt a family for this coming year. He wants to take a more active Santa role.
Fast forward four months to a tiny bunny that poops out jelly beans, I mean, come ON he HAD to know that was fake!
But the tears that woke his brother up were a clear indication he did not.
I held and soothed him. I offered to answer any questions he had and put him back to bed when he was ready. Then I laid awake. It turns out watching someone loose their innocence is more awakening than a pot of coffee has ever been.
We must be careful when we are seeking out truth. It’s possible we will not be ready for the answers and unfortunately there is no unlearning when truth is revealed.
Even though that lesson came to me in the middle of the night it stems further than a fourth grade are the guardians real lesson.
Happy Easter, hopefully your bunny was better at navigating through your house than ours was.
Namaste,
Jes xoxo