Kids WANT to tell us stuff. Actually EVERYONE spills their secrets but are you listening?
There are three types of people: the listeners, the hearers and the talkers. Do you know what type you are?
This week I DEFINITELY realized what type I am.
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I have been know to have a motor mouth, someone that won’t SHUT UP, that is until my little guy came into the picture. Anyone that has met him will tell you he was blessed with the gift to gab.
He will chat with anyone, any where about anything. Sure, he knows about strangers BUT he also knows that getting to know people makes them turn from strangers to friends. He will tell you anything if you are willing to hear it.
I say “hear it” because not a lot of people take the time to actually listen.
Listening is W.O.R.K. It takes an effort almost everyone would rather skip out on. Too many people are trying to craft their own response or jump into a conversation to put in the listening time. PLUS that FOMO is in a lot of peoples subconscious and they are, possibly without knowing it, trying to listen to multiple conversations rather than participate in the one that they are in.
I know three really good listeners. THREE! It seems crazy when you really think about it.
Take for instance my sister-in-law. She is a GREAT listener. I have watched her, on many occasions, have full conversations with toddlers (some of which are not her own) and listen so intensely, not break eye contact that I can feel them realize their voice matters. She will shush adults until the little people are heard.
I’m not even sure she realizes she does it, listening just comes naturally to her.
What a gift to share with others!
I have witnessed others that are so distracted by their phone or everything going on around them that can do nothing but hear. Even that seems like TOO much.
My oldest is often laser focused on playing the guitar that I feel lucky to be heard at all. JUST to be sure, I am heard I ask him to repeat what I say. To my surprise he’s always listening.
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So if my little guy is a talker, my older guy is a hearer, that MUST make me a listener, right?!
WWEEEELLLLLLL…… not exactly.
Since I come from a LONG line of talkers I do consider myself a talker. I would LOVE to say that I can drop everything and give you my undivided attention but I get distracted and sometimes only hear things. Up until two days ago I wasn’t entirely certain I had any listening skills; then life interjected as life often does and I was reminded that I do in-fact listen.
No so lucky for me, it happened during a hockey game. My little guy wanted to talk, as soon as I realized I was only hearing him I snapped out of it. I mean did it REALLY matter what happens during the game? In the grand scheme of things, would this game above a conversation with my little man matter more? If it’s not obvious to you the answer is NO. Of course not. (Now, IF it were the final seconds in the Stanley Cup finale and the Wild could win, I might have asked him to wait until the game was over 🤣…I’m changing but it’s not happening over night!)
I took queues from my S-I-L and looked him right in the eye and listened as he told things that had been bothering him. He said that he’s been really tired and not sleeping well. He was asking if he could bring the cot upstairs and sleep upstairs for a while. He had also mentioned this earlier in the week. Right away I told him no. The cot is a pain, NO ONE puts it away after and it just gets in the way. And then it clicked… I knew EXACTLY why he wasn’t getting enough sleep.
I have a STRICT no electronics rule. No gaming on the weekdays and all devices are to be in my room at the end of the day. They would have NO other thing to do BUT sleep unless one of the devices were snuck out and possibly hid. I told him that all of the devices were in my room and he asked me if I was sure about that. Turns out an ancient iPod grew legs and walked down to their room. My oldest has been staying up causing the little guy to stay up too.
Out of fear of being beat up by his older brother he didn’t want me to say anything. He just wanted to sleep on a cot. (My nephew is staying with us and with another room being a home office my little guy gets to share with his brother for the time being.)
I told him I’d handle it. I went down and spot cleaned, found a bunch of “missing clothes” and made the bed where I accidentally stumbled across the ancient iPod. He’s lucky this is the first time he’s been busted in almost a year or he would have some serious consequences.
Life interjecting exhibit B.
Teenage boys have a certain kind of funk about them. You know it, it’s the kind where you want to go in for a hug but you’re concerned the smell my infiltrate your clothes. I’ve always had the mindset that hugs are the best and smells are why we have washing machines.
In order to combat this smell, instead of asking did you shower today or this week, we have established shower days. NO MATTER WHAT you take a shower on these set days. They usually argue a little bit, try and convince us that they don’t need a shower because of this or that but we typically hold the ground, unless I forget what day it is…
I have been noticing my oldest talk about things that he hasn’t really talked about before. Such as his friends having crushes on girls or how he wanted me to pick him up Krackenguard deodorant and body wash from Old Spice. The cake topper was he just started showering WITHOUT being asked AND he keeps smelling his clothes to make sure he smells nice.
I know a girl is involved.
When we walk he likes to talk, takes over the conversation running over the other talkers like a stiff arming football player trying to make it to the end zone. What HE says is definitely more important than anyone else. And he’s been asking some interesting things, nothing super unordinary, his dad definitely didn’t notice but I know a girls involved.
So I asked him what her name was.
He denied
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I told him he might as well confess because I’m right and I’ll find out.
Then I just thought about everything he’s silently told me and everything he’s said out loud. He told me months ago about her, at the time I only heard him. I was too distracted and I didn’t listen. I racked my brain for hours when the lightbulb FINALLY went off. I said her name and he looked away with a big ol’ smile on his face.
I KNEW IT!
Everyone has secrets but everyone spills if you take the time to listen.
Namaste,
Jes xoxo