The pilot light on our fireplace went out. My hubs took the panel off and attempted to ignite it.
The continuing button pushing wasn’t sparking anything.
It was about this time that I overheard a conversation on TV. A couple female friends were in an argument and a third party asked one of the females why she continually dulls her light just to make her friend comfortable. She said that no one benefits from anyone dulling their light.
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Back in my early twenties I used to meet up with some girlfriends for a monthly dinner. We’d ditch our boyfriends and pick a restaurant downtown/dinky-town/up-town and would catch up over the latest mixologist creation while attempting new entrees. There was a slight ebb and flow of attendees never more than 6 and we would drink, dine and dish about our lives.
There was this one particular time that stands out. It’s been 20 years since, the restaurant is blurry the details are even blurrier but I had done something (probably flirt with a patron) and one of the gals commented that she wished she had my confidence.
I was flabbergasted.
This woman, a former prom queen, choir soloist, musician, wanted my confidence? I was about to question why she wanted MY confidence when her confidence level HAD to be higher than mine but my better friend interrupted my thoughts and told our friend that I was faking it.
Um… WHAT?!?
Do your friends know you better than you know yourself?
I mean I was STUNNED, I’ve never identified as an actress but I couldn’t help but wonder if she was right.
Was I faking it?
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The continual clicking of the pilot light button brought be back from memory lane; but I couldn’t shake the TV conversation.
An ex-coworker of mine recently shared that she won Employee of the Year. It turns out, leaving the company I work for was extremely beneficial for her. I’m SO excited for her and I have NO doubt that she deserves this honor.
She started to tell me that she’s a little worried about the company making the announcement. She’s concerned with what people will say.
It hit me then, almost at the EXACT same time the pilot light ignited… my friend is trying to dull her light. She’s worried and trying to make everyone feel ok for her achievement and she’s willing to dull herself to do that.
How often do we ALL dull our light to ensure someone else’s comfort? I know I’m guilty. All those years ago I accepted the “faking” it comment instead of standing in my own light and OWNING my confidence. I’ve been stuck in friendships where I’ve diminished if not put out my flame to make someone else feel better.
44 trips around the sun have been eye opening lately. So far I know this to be true, I have gained nothing from living in a shadow, even IF that shadow is one I cast on myself. Maybe it’s being 44, maybe it’s because I have a best friend that allows us BOTH to shine, maybe it’s feeling responsible to undo everything that’s not serving me; I’m not quite sure but I do know that this year I only plan on living in the light.
Time for your yearly self-evaluation. Is your light faded? Maybe you’ve created your own shadow, maybe you need a little tune up, just like our stove.
IF your pilot light is out, be sure to do what you need to do to reignite it. You’re worth it.
Namaste,
Jes xoxo